In about 3 weeks, on October 10th it’ll be World Mental Health Day. And in a quite “timely manner”, my mental health has taken a dive in the past week(s). If I think back, the whole year has been a bit off. Although I am able to drag myself out of dark days and even get things done, it is exhausting. I wish I had a more “firm grip” on keeping myself “level-headed” so to speak. To maintain a more even mood.
So what am I talking about exactly?
You might have noticed how I haven’t been posting lately. Well, it’s because I was/am struggling to get myself motivated. There are days when I find it hard to get out of bed. And not because I’m tired. If I stay in bed, It doesn’t make me feel better. If it’s possible I feel more tired. When I do will myself out of bed, I have to keep telling myself to do things, like have breakfast. Which any other time is a breeze. When I’m in a bad place, even deciding what to have for breakfast is nerve-wracking.
Even though I don’t have depression right now (I have had in the past – a story for another time), this video is pretty on the spot in describing how I’ve felt lately:
One contributing factor is definitely that the boyfriend has been away for 3 weeks. I am currently renting a flat on my own, he’s here half the time. So in these 3 weeks, I have been alone. And it’s been driving me slightly crazy. I grew up in a big family, in a household where there was always something going on. If no one else, the dog was home at least. Being on my own at home is new for me. And I’ve been struggling with it. I thought several times if only the boyfriend was here, I would feel better. This thought simultaneously terrifies me, because my happiness CANNOT depend on him. Or any other person. I have to be able to be okay on my own. Even if I do miss him.
This uneasy and bad feeling eventually accumulated into… anxiety! The “I’m having a hard time breathing” kind of anxiety. Which is new for me. I am not an anxious person. I host talks on sex. I talk about my sex life and my dating life. This is what this blog is about, partially. Case in point, anxiety is not my thing. This was the final straw for me to take the leap and start seeing a psychologist again. So healing has commenced….
I know this post doesn’t quite fit into any of the main categories of this blog, but mental health is important. It relates to everything. It’s what enables you to go on nice dates and have amazing sex 🙂
(Photo from here.)