Masturbation guy

I’m a Tinder fan. I got into using tinder when I was just coming out of mourning the end of a 4,5-year relationship. Registering on dating sites seemed like too big of a commitment. I wasn’t ready for a relationship! But, I was ready to get to know people. Tinder – I still think – is an excellent minimal effort tool to do so. In any case, it provided me with great stories. (Less great dates, but hey, I met the boyfriend there too 😉 )


Here’s one of many hilarious instances:

There was this guy, we got along okay. Not great, but okay. He was a bit too excited about the prospect of having sex. I mean, I know most people – who are not asexual – will want to sleep with me. I know that, I expect that. (If not, that’s fine of course.) So when someone goes: “I want to fuck you” as a line to get me into bed – when not in a relationship – my reaction is, so what else is new?

I figured, let’s give this guy a chance in person anyway. Maybe he’s just a bit off putting via texting. So the day of the date arrives. [It did come up previously that yes, sometimes I do have sex on the first date. If we both like each other, why not?] Hours before the date, he texts me… I wanted to look up the texts to quote them to you but couldn’t find them. He basically asked me if we’re going to have sex tonight, because if we will, he won’t masturbate beforehand. To which I said, you know what, go ahead and masturbate, because we’re not going to have this date.

He – not surprisingly – in turn, started insulting me, saying I was shallow for rejecting him without meeting. I blocked him soon after because I don’t take kindly to insults. But my thoughts on the matter are: it’s great that he masturbates, I’m all for knowing your own needs and tending to them BUT I don’t give a fuck is he masturbates or not on the given day. He shouldn’t make masturbation dependent on whether or not we have sex. What’s the worst that can happen? He masturbates and then can’t come when we have sex? Oh, how ever will we move on from that… Show some creativity here.

My advice for all of you out there: Don’t ask for sex out right before the date. It’s not sexy. If it happens, it happens.

(Photo from here.)